we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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