Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My liver just broke up with me...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
