So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
