you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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