your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
