Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
