apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
