So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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