i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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