i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
