Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My vagina is very pro this idea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
