He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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