i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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