My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
