the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
