So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
