He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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