Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
