I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
