Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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