I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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