I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I pour the whiskey from now on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
