For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
