can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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