I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
