its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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