In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
