She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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