woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
