i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
