I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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