If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
