I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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