Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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