We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize