I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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