someone owes me an orgasm
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
