So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
