her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
