I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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