We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
