I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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