Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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