I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
