I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
