I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
