so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
