Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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