I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
