i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
