You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
