I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
