and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
