well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
