i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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