ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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