the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
