i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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