YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
