True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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