I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize