You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
